Stress

September always ushers a whirlwind of change into our lives that make it notoriously one of the most stressful months of the year. As long summer light fades earlier and temperature shifts signal to foliage that the end of the growing season is near, people start to ramp up their activities. September tends to be frantic. We shrug off those relaxed summertime vibes and focus on getting back to routines and structured activities. This year, you may notice that with the arrival of sweater weather and back-to-school backpacks, there isn’t the same hint of exuberance as in years past. There’s a good reason for that.

In Canada, it is our second September living with the wide-reaching effects of COVID-19. While we continue making strides towards turning a more confident corner against the pandemic through vaccination programs and diligent adherence to safety practices, the path to get to this point has not been easy. There have been confusing and changing pandemic regulations that vary from province to province. Information about various vaccines has also been confusing and problematic from a supply standpoint, not to mention concerns about side effects, and mixing vaccination formulas for second doses. There’s been so much loss: people we care about, life’s moments and milestones, and for many economic and food insecurities. Our summers are short. Spending time outside seemed to be a way to regain some semblance of everyday activities and normalcy. We’re all exhausted from living this pandemic-altered reality. Unpredictability and uncertainty pile on in a month already full of change. Frankly, we think it’s important to acknowledge that we’re a bit off our collective game, and that’s okay.

Instead of letting overwhelming feelings hold us in their grip, we can name those stressors and look at supports that will help us move beyond them with confidence. Perhaps it starts by anchoring ourselves to what we do know about September. It can engage our senses with a beautiful display of autumn-coloured leaves, nostalgic smells and sounds that jump out at us in the cooler air. When we pause to ground ourselves, it can help us feel like we’re on more familiar ground so that we can move forward again.

Recognizing and managing stress

Stress is a normal part of our lives. It’s a holdover from prehistoric times when humans needed to respond to threats to stay alive. Today’s stressors may not have the same kinds of life-or-death moments encountered by our neanderthal cousins. However, they can still induce the same types of physical and mental responses.

Think about how you might respond to these situations:

• Your boss just called to ask you to have a report ready today at noon instead of two days from now.
• Your kids wouldn’t cooperate with getting dressed or eating breakfast today, and you need to be somewhere by the top of the hour.
• You don’t want to do the dishes alone again this week while your partner has gone to watch a program.
• You’ve been unable to work because you’ve been so sick.
• You argued with a friend.

These are stressful situations that are all related to external stimuli. They will cause you to feel pressure at the moment, but once the problems have been resolved, the stress subsides. You are experiencing normal stress. It’s not life-or-death.

But what about when the stress doesn’t go away, and you develop “persistent feeling[s] of apprehension or dread in situations that are not actually threatening?” ¹ In this case, you are moving into chronic stress territory. The responses being triggered are something you’ve created through internal dialogue and your reactions may trigger anxiety.

What are some signs of stress and anxiety?

Stress

• Caused by situations you experience.
• Can be traced back to an external cause.
• You use coping tools.
• After they are resolved, the stress diminishes or disappears.

Anxiety

• Caused without an external stressor and linked to your internal dialogue.
• Typically prolonged and chronic.
• Left unmanaged can build from being mild, short-term, and manageable to severe disorders that can last for months and “negatively affect mood and functioning.”(2)
  

Both stress and anxiety

• Panic attacks
• Insomnia
• Trouble focusing
• Anger
• Irritability
• Fatigue
• Muscle pain
• Difficulty with digestion.

We must remember that stress is not always bad. Stress is an important reaction that protects you from danger. When experiencing stress, your body releases hormones, adrenaline and cortisol increasing your blood pressure and heart rate providing the energy needed to fight or flee from crisis scenarios. Without adequate stress in your life, you are likely to feel less motivated, and unenthused. You may lack the necessary reasoning to pursue personal goals and may find difficulty enjoying simple pleasures and the enthusiasm to start living life to its fullest. In contrast, having too much stress will manifest in physical, mental, and emotional ailments with feelings of anxiousness and pressure.

How has COVID-19 been stressful?

With the pandemic, we’ve all been dealing with isolation and being apart from friends and family. Simultaneously, we’ve been fearful of contracting the virus. Researchers are tracking how the pandemic’s mental stress is translating to increased and prolonged anxiety and depression. We’ve been grieving our losses. In some cases, people we know have lost their lives directly because of the virus. Others may have indirectly because of delays in treatment or therapy caused by shifts in healthcare resource priorities. It’s been stressful working virtually using video and tele-conference technology which is not the same as being together in the same room. For those who haven’t been able to work from home, remembering to social distance and remain physically distant makes everyone more cautious and less natural. Similarly, after a year of pandemic-related stay-at-home orders, you might find that your patience and tolerance have diminished with the people with whom you live.

What kinds of long-term changes could we begin to experience because of COVID-19?

The pandemic has shifted how we interact with each other and the types and locations of employment. For example, “the internet and social media have allowed us to reach into each other’s homes” but also learn new skills and develop new hobbies.(3) Cooking, gardening, and improvising because of supply shortages have become commonplace as more people discover their creative side. Similarly, for those who can work from home, this is a switch that may remain in place. New and additional safety protocols may be implemented for those who work in public settings in order to limit and reduce further community spread of infection. Additionally, with socially distanced and reduced ridership on mass transit, people may be more apt to walk or cycle to work. As a result, the hours where people need to be at work may shift, resulting in “the disappearance of the 9-5 altogether.”(4) Finally, with stay-at-home orders and a shift in commuting, the climate is getting some greatly needed relief. There have been drops in greenhouse gasses and harmful air contaminants. Similarly, traffic reductions have eliminated pollutants. Wildlife has returned. All of these events point to the prospect of how with a little more conscious decision-making, we can achieve a greener future.

COVID-19 also exposed social inequity identifying vulnerable institutions and populations within our society. There has been much debate around how to protect essential workers. Every essential worker, from doctors, nurses, and healthcare workers, to retail and restaurant workers, put themselves at risk and in harm’s way in order to maintain their livelihoods. While recognition was strong early in the pandemic, collective fatigue has waned the recognition and declarations of gratefulness that people enthusiastically participated in. We have also seen that there must be a priority given to policy changes and funding discussions for healthcare in general. Too many systemic vulnerabilities have been exposed in rural, urban centres and Indigenous and immigrant communities.

Vaccinations are key

As vaccination programs continue, the hope is that all eligible and able citizens will become fully vaccinated.
As we’ve been seeing, there is a direct correlation between the number of vaccinations administered and the shift
in community transmission. It’s only with the public’s involvement in all countries that immunizations will help reduce the threat level of the virus.

Traditional September events

For back to school, be it elementary, secondary, or post-secondary, we’re going to see a mix of teaching
and learning styles in place as part of a new reality. While many students and teachers have been learning through remote, online sessions for some time, it’s expected that pockets of the population will continue using these methods. For some, online learning has been a struggle; whereas others have thrived. With each term, teachers and instructors learn new techniques to help deliver classes most safely and effectively. Some programs may see an evolution where some students are present in the classroom, while others are remote.

With the end of summer, it’s also often a time to refocus efforts at work with added attention to our professions. Again, there may be some workplaces that are eager to welcome employees back to their physical spaces. Still, others will take more time to develop return-to-work plans and modify their environments for safety. Other employees who have become accustomed to alternate work arrangements must be ready to follow their employer’s expectations and instructions for when and how they will return. In some cases, employees may be permitted to continue their work from home arrangements.

Mental health: A shadow pandemic that workplaces can help address

People’s mental health was of concern before the pandemic, however through COVID-19, it has “accelerated…mental health and emotional distress” crises.(5) Workplaces can help by targeting “financial, physical and mental well-being” when working with employees.(6) Investments in training managers in mental health first-aid, assisting employees in making connections to resources and services that can offer help, and shifting the culture to be supportive are all initiatives that will help employees re-adjust over time.

Coping, building resiliency and moving ahead

In the early days of the pandemic, people were optimistic that life would return to normal, but it may not be the normal we knew. You may have heard the term “new normal” used in conversations where people pondered and tried to imagine the effects of all the changes we have experienced to date. We can see now that many uncertainties are starting to recede. It will take time and patience to develop new practices and protocols that will be supportive and make good sense. Instead of focusing on a “new normal,” perhaps it would be easier, for now, to consider what we’re experiencing as a “next normal”. A shift in our thinking here will help alleviate stress and be kinder to managing expectations without being overburdened. There will inevitably be changes, so learning how to cope can help reduce stress and anxiety.

Some easier ways to support this include:

• Take a self-imposed media break

– Sometimes you can be surprised and overcome by unproductive or negative thoughts and viewpoints expressed by social media connections. Recognize when social media and news media are elevating your stress levels and tune out. You may set daily limits or “mute” distressing content to give yourself a break.

• Get outside and keep moving

– Exercise is one of the best things you can do to stay healthy and find good well-being.

• Get enough rest

– Never underestimate the power of a regular sleep cycle. Sleep hygiene plays an integral part in “cleaning the brain,” which can help alleviate brain fog symptoms and may help protect against neurocognitive decline.(7)

• Get help

– Seek professional supports through various resources and services, including your Employee and Family Assistance Plan (EFAP).

– Don’t forget about free resources and collaborations such as Wellness Together Canada at wellnesstogether.ca. It provides people with counselling, coaching, and courses as part of a toolkit to improve their overall mental health and wellness in response to the stressors of the pandemic.

References:

1. Ross, F. (2018, June 8). Stress vs. Anxiety – Knowing the Difference is Critical to Your Health. Mental Health First Aid. https://www.mentalhealthfirstaid.org/external/2018…
2. American Psychological Association. (2020, September 21). What’s the difference between stress and anxiety? APA. https://www.apa.org/topics/stress/anxiety-differen…
3. Dartness, L. (2020, June 29). The Covid-19 changes that could last long-term. BBC Future. https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20200629-which-…
4. Ibid.
5. Grzadkowska, A. (2021 March 17). Organizations must stop ‘second pandemic’ of mental health. Insurance Business Magazine (Canada). https://www.insurancebusinessmag.com/ca/news/broke…
6. Ibid.
7. Liverpool, L.. (2019, October 31). A type of brainwave may help clean your brain while you sleep. New Scientist Journal. https://www.newscientist.com/article/2222016-a-typ…

Long-lasting health conditions such as heart disease, cancer, and diabetes are known to be the leading causes of premature death and disability in many countries in North America. For years, the World Health Organization(1) and the Pan American Health Organization(2) have correctly predicted the steady rise in those and other chronic conditions due to the effects of things like globalization and the growing middle class. These organizations have also indicated that long-term healthcare solutions must take a patient’s mental health, not just their physical symptoms, into consideration when deciding on a course of treatment.

In this article, we discuss the criteria that make a disease or illness chronic and how, if left untreated, it will affect a person’s mental health over time. We also offer helpful tips for those currently dealing with mental health issues related to a chronic condition, especially during the pandemic.

What is a chronic disease and/or illness?

A chronic condition tends to be persistent and long-lasting, with effects that compound over time, often lasting longer than twelve months.(3) One essential thing to know about chronic conditions is they can go unnoticed and untreated for long periods because they are hidden and affect patients internally, with a severity that increases over time. Patients with chronic conditions can be left feeling confused, frustrated and even hopeless in circumstances where their symptoms are very obvious to them but evade proper detection and diagnosis by their doctors. This can weigh heavily on the mental health of a chronically ill patient.

What effects do chronic diseases and/or illnesses have on mental health?

Eventually, a person who has been sick with a chronic condition will discover just how powerfully and fundamentally linked mental health and physical health is. They are twice as likely to develop depression and anxiety compared to those who are not chronically ill.(4) Having co-existing mental and physical conditions can and will diminish the quality of a person’s life throughout their illness, tending to end in longer durations of suffering and worse than average patient outcomes.(5)

Other common mental health conditions that are caused or affected negatively by a chronic condition include:

• Mood and anxiety disorders
• High levels of stress
• Changes in body image and self-esteem
• Poor self-care practices, which could lead to worsening physical symptoms
• Suicidality

Although the mental health outcomes of a chronically ill person can seem grim, there are many proven ways to manage both the physical and mental impacts of disease and improve their quality of life.

Tips on managing mental health when you have a chronic disease and/or illness

You don’t feel yourself when you’re in pain, in the middle of a flare-up, or just unable to engage in life the way you can without the chronic symptoms of your condition. Yet, there are identify-affirming and depression-lifting activities that can help. Pay attention to how you feel on a given day, and choose a tip below that suits your moods, needs, and energy level.

Physical exercise

Evidence from many studies shows us that regular exercise can improve a person’s mood. Walking is an excellent starter option, as it is free, locationally flexible, and can be done while socially distancing. You may prefer more adventurous activities like trail biking, rock climbing, or paddling on the water. Build a routine that incorporates various activities and consult with your doctor to ensure that the plan works with the chosen course of treatment without causing additional harm.(6)

Mindfulness or meditation

Studies suggest that just 10 minutes of quiet reflection, deep breathing, or guided imagery can not only relieve stress, but it can even increase one’s overall stress tolerance.(7) There are many guided meditation apps and videos available online, or you can make your meditation your own by listening to relaxing music, sitting in nature, or doing some light stretching as you meditate.

Serving others

For some people, purpose reveals itself through connections to others through serving them. Some seek meaning through spirituality and religious affiliation in their volunteering. You can explore whatever types of communities you value, like a cleanup program or a companionship program for ageing veterans.

Group and solo counselling

Your healthcare provider needs to know how you are feeling, both physically and emotionally.(8) Coping with a chronic condition can increase the stress of everyday life and affect your feeling of well-being. Depression and anxiety can make it challenging to manage and treat your condition. Your provider can help you explore the best way to address your feelings, which may include referrals for counselling, a social worker, a support group, or other vital support to cope with the challenges of a chronic condition.

Chronic conditions and COVID-19 considerations

The most current information suggests that older people with chronic conditions are at higher risk of developing more severe illnesses or complications. Patients at higher risk for COVID-19 complications include more senior people with chronic conditions such as diabetes, heart disease and lung disease. While most people with COVID-19 recover, those with chronic conditions are also at higher risk of death if they become ill.

Patients at higher risk for COVID-19 complications due to a chronic condition must take the same measures to avoid influenza, colds, and other diseases, such as washing their hands regularly and avoiding touching their face.(9) They must also avoid large gatherings and stay away from other people who are ill. Of course, the downside to this is that isolation from people and outdoor activities puts a person who is already sick at further risk of depression, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

How to help those with a chronic disease and/or illness

If you are reading this because you are the friend or family of someone going through a chronic condition, know that you can do things to help.

Get informed.

The more you know about a chronic condition, the better equipped you’ll be to understand what’s happening to the person you care about and why. Direct your questions to the patient’s doctor or nurse to get the most straightforward answers about their diagnosis and course of treatment.

Perform mental and physical health check-ins.

Check-in on the person you care about regularly and try to notice any changes in the type or severity of the symptoms they are experiencing. Not only will this help you in empathizing with their struggle, but it should help you both get a clear idea of how they are reacting, physically and mentally, to their treatments.

Make a lifestyle change in solidarity.

Treatment for just about any chronic condition involves lifestyle changes — stopping smoking, losing weight, exercising more, and shifting to healthier eating habits. If you can, try to adopt those same changes to improve your health and show support for the person you care about who is chronically ill. It usually pays handsome dividends, ranging from feeling better to living longer.

Understand the symptoms of depression.

Dark, gloomy moods plague many people with chronic diseases and can hamper even a determined patient’s
best attempts to maintain their health. Knowing the signs of depression can equip you to intervene and disrupt
these feelings constructively and beneficially, including mood-lifting activities (as suggested in a previous section) or medication.

Prepare to talk frankly about end-of-life decisions.

The diagnosis of a chronic condition tends to make one come to terms with the idea of a premature death caused by the condition.(10) If you find yourself having conversations with the person you care about that focus on death and end-of-life decisions, do what you can to become informed about the processes behind things like do-not-resuscitate orders, funeral and burial arrangements and estate management. Although these are typically uncomfortable subjects, the patient deserves the peace of mind of controlling what happens if and when they do pass.

It is common for a person’s mental health to slip while dealing with chronic condition but it is essential to remember that not all chronic conditions lead to premature death. Many people can live long and fulfilling lives if they learn to manage the symptoms of their illness, which includes those connected to mental health and overall happiness. Temporary feelings of sadness are commonplace in cases of chronic conditions. Still, suppose these and other symptoms last longer than a couple of weeks. In that case, a person may need additional help from their healthcare professionals, family, and perhaps even their workplace to make coping with and enjoying life as easy as possible despite challenging circumstances. From physical activities to mentally stimulating challenges and even medications, there are many courses of action for someone who is facing a long-term condition that could diminish their mental health. When in doubt, refer to a healthcare professional for guidance on which activities will be the most and least beneficial depending on the specific diagnosis and the current status of the person’s health.

References:

1. https://www.pwc.com/gx/en/industries/healthcare/emerging-trends-pwc-healthcare/chronic-diseases.html
2. https://www.paho.org/hq/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=1646:chronic-diseases-americas-fact-sheet&Itemid=40721&lang=en
3. https://www.cdc.gov/chronicdisease/about/index.htm
4. https://ontario.cmha.ca/document-category/mental-health-and-addictions-conditions/
5. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/chronic-illness-mental-health/index.shtml.
6. https://hss.mediasite.com/mediasite/Play/887b823f007045f48c6ca79f42411fe41d
7. https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2017/05/170501094325.htm
8. https://www.hss.edu/playbook/living-with-chronic-illness-top-10-tips-to-emotional-well-being/
9. http://www.bccdc.ca/health-info/diseases-conditions/covid-19/priority-populations/people-with-chronic-conditions
10. https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/10-steps-for-coping-with-a-chronic-condition

Many people have encountered times when they feel a bit restless and yearn for adventures and new experiences. Scratching those proverbial itches can help someone feel that their life has purpose, focus, and clarity. Having a sense of purpose and direction can lift our spirits, improve mental well-being and leave you feeling more fulfilled.

Let’s be clear: this is not merely about following life lessons or ticking off things on a “bucket list.”(1) Fulfillment requires introspection, contemplation, reflection and acceptance as catalysts in the pursuit of happiness. Feeling fulfilled is an important part of living life with intention and purpose. There are many factors we will look at that influence how you define fulfilment. We’ll also be sharing suggestions about how you can take control of your life to improve your mental, physical and emotional health and wellness, especially as COVID-19 continues to impact our lives in ways that we never imagined.

What does it mean to be fulfilled?

The specifics of what makes you feel fulfilled will differ from someone else. Fundamentally, these revolve around the same basic set of ideas. Fulfillment is a state of being satisfied with what you’ve achieved after following your goals, developing abilities and habits, and acting on your intentions. It’s living comfortably within your set of values, without regret, while integrating both societal and cultural expectations along the way.

One way to gauge how fulfilled you feel involves looking at different aspects of your life. This kind of reflection can determine what helps you navigate personally, career-wise, and within your relationships. It’s important to consider how societal and cultural influences affect how personally fulfilled you feel and being prepared to step away within legal guidelines freely to discover and embrace your values. For example, society and cultural influences cast judgment about whether someone is single or married; whether they are a parent or not; and even whether they own or rent their home. On the career front, you might reflect on your education, job performance, or financial achievements. However, as you evaluate, you also need to consider that you may be comparing yourself to another person. If so, ask yourself why? Do you feel that you need to compete with others in finding fulfillment? What is it about that other person that you aspire to? While a bit of competition can be motivating, focussing too much on comparisons with someone else’s ideals can have the opposite effect. You want to reflect and work towards your own goals and dreams, not arrive at a one-dimensional creation. Given that consideration, you may discover that you are giving less time, energy and focus to the relationships you have with other people in your life. It may be something that you want to change. It’s good to look at the complexity and depth within your relationships because “good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”(2)

The relationships factor

We often neglect our relationships and don’t make the necessary investments because we trade them for what we believe to be more critical or urgent. But in actuality, it’s the genuine connections we have with others that may have a more significant influence on our sense of fulfillment than we realize. Harvard professors Grant and Clueck conducted a series of studies that initially followed two groups of men to see if they could observe the factors that led people to have happy and healthy lives.(3) The researchers tracked 724 participants from “varying walks of life over the course of
75 years.” They revealed that “the quality of our life – emotionally, physically, and mentally – is directly proportional to the quality of our relationships.”(4) It’s the quality that’s key, and the depth of the relationship matters because “just knowing a lot of people isn’t enough.”(5)

There’s a lot of good that happens for our sense of fulfillment when we invest in genuine connections with people through meaningful relationships. We live shared experiences and have interactions that allow us to develop a social skill referred to as “Positive Alacrity,” which is defined as “creating intentional micro-experiences that cause an emotional uplifting in others.”(6) In short, it means that the frequency, mode and duration of our interactions can build meaningful, emotional currency within our relationships because “by uplifting others, we inadvertently uplift ourselves.” For example, when we connect with others consistently, using various communication modes that are founded in positive gestures and involve words, visuals and touch, we feel much better about ourselves. We can express our gratitude that they are in our lives. Another set of influential studies backed the power of these positive gestures and their ability to influence people’s happiness.(7) Participants completed tasks such as writing a short handwritten note, taking a minute to thank someone in person, gifting a small token of appreciation, and writing a longer letter, then reading it aloud to the recipient. The results showed that participants reported “increased happiness and decreased depression for a full month after completing the action[s].”

What else can influence your sense of fulfillment?

Experiencing close and supportive relationships helps you increase feelings of happiness and fulfillment. But other influences can affect how easy or difficult it might be to get there. Your family history, different life events you experienced, personal beliefs you developed and personality traits all influence your sense of fulfillment. Social messaging heard over the past few decades has revolved around a belief that people “deserve” to live out their dreams and that reaching your achieving big-ticket goals will also put you on the right track to finding true happiness. However, realistically, many people continue to live very fulfilled yet unextraordinary lives. There is no harm in having a pragmatic sense of purpose. On your quest to achieving fulfillment, you will need to spend time thinking about what motivates you.

Finding motivation

Consider this list as you reflect on your motivations

• Think about your “why.” It could be someone or something you love to do, but there is a purpose for your actions.
• Evaluate your life. Look at your family, friends, career, finances, health, relationships and fun; assess them on a scale of 1 (needs improvement) to 10 (totally awesome). Look at your low scores and describe what it would look like as a 10. Contemplating this could help you determine priorities.
• Be realistic when facing challenges. It is not easy, and not everything will go your way. Learn from mistakes and recognize the contributions they make along the way.
• Think of who is in your support network – family, friends, doctors, etc. and accept their help to get you back on track.
• Recognize, track and celebrate your progress, no matter how small. It will give you a record of where you’ve started and how far you’ve gone, showing your movement and growth over time.
• Keep moving forward. It’s okay to take breaks and engage in reflection to revisit your goals.

Still, goal setting can be a big help

Establishing goals can help you become more successful. It can also give your brain a boost of positive endorphins by helping you recognize and realize your achievements. You shouldn’t feel that you need to set drastic measures to be effective. Setting several smaller, more focused, manageable, reasonable, and achievable goals can be far more beneficial than chasing after lofty, unattainable and broad targets.(8)

There is also a tremendous benefit for using “goals [to] set direction” and “systems [to] build progress.”(9) For example, take the time to recognize the necessary activities along the way to achieving a goal. You will often have a greater sense of fulfillment and achieve more happiness that builds from that momentum. You might also identify anti-goals or things you don’t want to achieve. This approach allows for a reverse-engineering of your priorities to, in turn, give you more precise focus.

What you want to avoid is a situation where the goals are created without personal reflection and simply for the sake of having some written down. Suppose you don’t do the thinking to ensure they are purposeful. In that case, goals can make you feel worse about a situation because “if a goal is too vague, it’s harder to reach, and you don’t know when or if you’ve gotten there.”(10)

Keep an open mind and don’t rush when seeking fulfillment

Ideally, you want to ensure that awareness of your present physical, mental, and emotional health and well-being all factor into the sense of fulfillment you feel. It may be necessary to slow yourself down enough to enjoy life and gain the insight you are seeking.

Here are some tips that might help in your quest.(11)

• Recognize and release things that are outside of your control. You’ll reduce worry and feel better. Go with your instincts.
• Branch out of familiarity to try new things.
• Live in the present. Being anchored in the past can be counterproductive and keep you from moving forward. Similarly, focusing on the future will only help you miss the beauty of the here and now.
• Be kind and be appreciative. Share love and gratitude. Dr. Daniel Glaser, a prominent neuroscientist, shared this: “It’s amazing what you can achieve if you don’t care who gets the credit.”(12)
• Life is what happens when you don’t pay attention to your surroundings. Remind yourself to experience life first hand, not through the intermediary of a screen.
• When in unfamiliar situations, look for familiar things and form connections to give you a greater sense of security. It’s okay not to have the answer, perhaps you first need to live the question so you’ll experience the answer one day without even noticing.(13)
• Be yourself and live with integrity, even when no-one is looking.
• Choose where you invest your energy. It’s okay to redirect it if it’s draining you.
• The journey to fulfillment isn’t global; it’s within you. Form a connection with your entire self by practicing exercise, good nutrition, mindfulness, healthy sleep hygiene and becoming attuned to your spirituality.
• Recognize that COVID-19 has likely had a significant effect on your sense of living a fulfilled life. Acknowledge any challenging feelings as a way to help your emotional, physical and mental health. Consider how things will begin to change as vaccinations ramp up and Public Health restrictions ease.

Just remember that introspection, contemplation, reflection and acceptance can help you find fulfillment on your terms.

1. Recognize that your own needs and benefits are important.(14)
2. Clarify your values and use them as your personal GPS.(15)
3. Have the confidence to define what you really need and want, being honest with yourself.(16)

You are in charge of creating your reality and, therefore, your sense of fulfillment in life. Don’t’ be fearful. Move forward at your own pace, but don’t get caught up in rushing towards an imaginary finish line, or you may miss seeing all of the wonders along the way. It’s an amazing journey, not a race.

References:

1. Reiner, R. (Director). (2007). The Bucket List. [Film]. Warner Bros., Zadan/Meron Productions, Two Ton Films https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0825232/

2. Waldinger, R. as cited in Ewers, P. (2018, January 25). Want a Happier, More Fulfilling Life? 75 -Year Harvard Study Says Focus on This 1 Thing. MISSION.ORG. https://medium.com/the-mission/want-a-happier-more…

3. Harvard University. (n.d.). Study of Adult Development. Harvard Second Generation Study [Website] https://medium.com/the-mission/want-a-happier-more…

4. Ewers, P. (2018, January 25). Want a Happier, More Fulfilling Life? 75 -Year Harvard Study Says Focus on This 1 Thing. MISSION.ORG. https://medium.com/the-mission/want-a-happier-more…

5. Ibid.

6. Ibid.

7. Ibid. The Science-Backed Power of Positivity [Section]

8. Tank, A. (2019, May 27). How to set goals that don’t make you miserable. Fast Company. https://www.fastcompany.com/90355381/how-to-avoid-…

9. Ibid.

10. Hampton, D. (2018, February 25). How Setting Goals Can Help and Hurt Your Mental Health. The Best Brain Possible. https://thebestbrainpossible.com/goals-mental-heal…

11. Coulson, L. (n.d.). 10 Choices That Lead to a Happy, Fulfilling Life. Tinybudda.com. https://tinybuddha.com/blog/10-choices-lead-happy-…

12. The Guardian Masterclasses (2016, July 8). How to lead a more fulfilling life – neuroscientists, life coaches and doctors share their advice. The Guardian.com https://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses…

13. Ibid. Paraphrase of a quote from Rainer Maria Rilke.

14. Glaser, D. Dr. from The Guardian Masterclasses (2016, July 8). How to lead a more fulfilling life – neuroscientists, life coaches and doctors share their advice. The Guadian.com https://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses…

15. Buckland, F. from The Guardian Masterclasses (2016, July 8). How to lead a more fulfilling life – neuroscientists, life coaches and doctors share their advice. The Guadian.com https://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses…

16. Clarke, S. from The Guardian Masterclasses (2016, July 8). How to lead a more fulfilling life – neuroscientists, life coaches and doctors share their advice. The Guadian.com https://www.theguardian.com/guardian-masterclasses…

When the COVID-19 lockdowns started last year, many aspects of our lives changed, and in many ways, we have adapted. Whether it’s through technology or “unplugging” for some quiet time, people have found ways to work, connect, and keep their mental health goals in sight. It has not been easy for many people, and some have found it especially hard to maintain healthy relationships during periods of lockdown, physical distancing and other safety protocols implemented to slow the spread of the virus and rates of infection. If recent times have been tough on you and the people you care about, this guide to maintaining healthy relationships during the COVID-19 pandemic is full of tips to help you through.

What are the foundational characteristics of a healthy relationship?

By definition, healthy relationships bring out the best in people and help to make us feel good about ourselves. That does not mean everyone in a relationship will be blissfully happy, one hundred percent of the time. A healthy relationship is a lot like a secret family recipe, it requires the right balance of a variety of ingredients, plus a few “secret ingredients” like joy, fun, and love. Here are a few of the main components of good, healthy relationships:

• At the top of the list are mutual respect with open and honest communication.1
• Individuals in a healthy relationship should feel safe in their connection and physically safe at home.
• Both people should feel supported, but they should also feel autonomous enough to maintain the level of independence they are accustomed to and desire.
• Equality and compromise help keep things balanced even when you find yourselves at odds or disagree.

As you can see, many of the “ingredients” that go into a healthy relationship would fall under the categories of work and sacrifice. Still, we cannot forget to have fun in our relationships because that’s the sweet treat that reveals itself to us when all of the above factors are working in harmony.

How could maintaining a healthy relationship help one live longer?

Our relationships, romantic or otherwise, hold massive sway over our emotional and even physical well-being. In fact, various studies have shown the importance of social relationships and the health benefits too.2 Good relationships, directly and indirectly, help reduce stress, encourage healthy lifestyle choices, increase our sense of purpose, and therefore our direction in life. Maintaining healthy relationships could even help you live longer. Despite the benefits, we tend to allow barriers to get in the way of us forming, maintaining and growing healthy through our relationships. Here’s why:

1. We are prone to holding on to negative relationships

We tend to hold onto negative relationships that affect our health, whether they result in some power struggle or abusive discourse, or perhaps the partnership is one of untreated addiction and co-dependency.

2. We feel we don’t deserve it.

Sometimes it’s a deep-seated pain or trauma that prevents us from forming and maintaining healthy bonds with those we care about. In these cases, therapy may be necessary to break down those barriers that prevent an individual from seeking healthy friendships and/or wholesome romantic connections.

3. We are currently restricted to social “bubbles.”

Beyond the above, we also must factor in the current restrictions on meeting with people outside of our social “bubble” as directed by COVID-19 experts and government bodies. Our social circles may have diminished for over a year, causing friendships to feel strained or as if they are on pause. Even as the restrictions ease slightly, the rules around social distancing mean that life won’t go back to what it was before the pandemic as quickly as we may have hoped.

How to achieve, maintain, and build a healthy relationship

Despite the difficult conditions encountered during the pandemic, there are plenty of things we can do to keep our relationships healthy, strong and thriving. Whether you are living together or apart, here are four small, everyday actions that can help to make a significant difference.

1. Have regular catch-ups.

Regular catch-ups with the important people in your life can help combat negative feelings and keep you emotionally connected. We’re fortunate that technology gives us so many ways to connect with the people we care about, even during a lockdown. Whether it’s video chatting, social media, sending messages throughout the day, or calling on the phone, make sure you choose a comfortable method for both parties.3

2. Participate in shared activities.

Games, cooking, watching a movie, writing a song, and taking an online course.

3. Send a care package, or write a letter.

One way to maintain some similarity of a physical connection is to send something nice to the people you care about most. Now’s your time to get creative and thoughtful. From hand-written letters to care packages full of goodies, sending something tangible can give the people you care about a considerable boost. Include some of their favourite things—snacks, stickers, a magazine or craft supplies—and encourage them to write back.

4. Make plans.

Create a shared document, Pinterest board, or calendar for a future project or event. Start planning that vacation or road trip you’ve always wanted to take. Launch a side hustle. Think about how you can celebrate an upcoming birthday or another holiday.

Tips on improving existing relationships

For many of us, maintaining healthy relationships in a pandemic means navigating the complexities of living together with friends, family, and children. Here’s how to do that while maintaining some level of freedom and comfort.

Give each other space.

Give each other as much space as possible. A home situation that allows for each individual to work or “escape” to separate rooms during the day is ideal and should help maintain some level of privacy when working at home. Smaller spaces will take some work, creativity, and patience to create enough space for each other. When space is feeling like a shrinking commodity, it’s time to consider finding alternative space, like outside on a walk or in the shower alone.

Use check-ins to stay on track.

Regular check-ins are helpful for couples, family members and friends who live together. These check-ins should cover several things, including your and your partner’s emotional well-being, how you are feeling about the boundaries and expectations you have set for yourselves and each other, what works, what doesn’t, and how you can improve.

Set boundaries and expectations.

Things that work for one person may not work for that same person in a slightly different situation or even on a different day. That’s why communicating boundaries and setting expectations is so helpful when we are living and working “on top of each other.” Boundaries could cover anything from defining who gets what workspace, when the time for breaks is made, and when alone time is necessary. It may also require having time around the house that is entirely silent to aid deep thinking, research and study.

How and why we should remove unhealthy relationships from our lives

You may find yourself stuck in an unhealthy relationship during this pandemic, and the best option is for you to leave or otherwise remove this relationship from your life. Even if the connection is long-standing, it is essential to remember that a relationship shouldn’t continue solely for the reason that it’s been maintained for a decent amount of time.

• Make a plan.
• Break from the cognitive dissonance makes it harder to break free of bad relationships, especially long-lasting ones.
• Being aware of the way your mind can play tricks on you can help you avoid this trap.5
• Ending a relationship can be a drawn-out and painful struggle, and not easily done alone. Gather a good support team to keep you on track and help you fill your life with healthy, positive activities.

In the end, all kinds of challenges will continue to present themselves as the COVID-19 pandemic and the fallout from the pandemic continue. No matter the living conditions, it can be a difficult time for everyone. It’s also a time where having healthy relationships is more important than ever.

While we may be scared, we are also all in this together. Be kind towards yourself and those you care about. If you are struggling and feeling helpless, individually or relationally, please reach out to a trusted friend, counsellor, sponsor, or therapist for help.

References:

1. https://www.joinonelove.org/signs-healthy-relation…
2. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC31501…
3. https://www.futurelearn.com/info/blog/maintain-hea…
4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/cognitiv…
5. http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/17295981