Navigating the Holidays When You’re in Recovery


It’s the time of year where invitations to gather with family, friends and co-workers are plentiful. For some the memories and celebrations attached to the season can be big ‘triggers’. But don’t worry about your social calendar. Manage it!

Seasonal celebrations and holidays can be wonderful times for people to come together. Families, workplaces and community organizations often host events that can be fun to attend, but they can also be sources of stress for many people. For someone in recovery, however; these kinds of gatherings can be particularly challenging as they may involve a lot of triggers or tempting environments. You know you’ll be invited to attend, but what if you’re already feeling nervous about how to respond?

Under pressure

Realize that you are probably putting unnecessary pressure on yourself if you are thinking that you have to accept every invitation you get. The last thing you need is to be stressed about going to your aunt’s for dinner and then meeting up with your co-workers at a holiday bash. Sometimes there are simply too many things going on. It’s totally fine to pick some, or even none of them based on how you feel at this point in your recovery. Your number one responsibility is to your health and well-being. So, the main principle that should guide your social calendar is: what is healthiest for you, and what’s best for your sobriety!

It would be great if people treated addictions the way they treat allergies – with sensitivity, understanding and extra effort to make sure you’ll be safe. Small steps can lead to big changes. Take the first one by focusing on yourself. Start each day with a little promise to yourself you will do your best to stay sober.

Go ahead. Make plans…but not that kind

The next few steps you take are about acknowledging your feelings and addressing your anticipation. You need to spend time thinking about what could happen at these events and what is going to help you feel good and be confident so that you can keep your promise. Here are four strategies you can use to think this through:

1. Be honest with yourself

Take a few minutes to consider how you are feeling about your recovery at this point in time. What words come to mind? Are you feeling strong? Would you say you are vulnerable? Perhaps you’re excited? Or anxious? Or maybe you’re nervous? What are the strengths and tools that can aide you in your recovery, during this period?

Write all of these feelings and words down and then leave them for a few hours. Come back to them later in the day. Do you feel the same way? Thinking about your feelings and then releasing your thoughts can be a powerful way to help you be aware of where you are right now, in the present moment.

2. Be realistic about how these events can make you feel

Look at all of these occasions and instead of thinking about what’s in it for me, think about what could it do to me? Interacting with family, friends and co-workers can be exhausting and stressful, making you more susceptible to going along with whatever they are doing. You need to stay focused, fed and well rested, so your decision making is clear and confident. When you’re tired, hungry and distracted, it’s easier to be persuaded to abandon your plan.

3. Be kind to yourself. Guilt-free

Give yourself permission to bow out when you’re not sure how an event will go. Don’t ever feel pressured or obligated to show up to each and every occasion you might be invited to. Be kind enough to yourself to figure out what the purpose of the occasion is from your point of view. It’s all about perspective. If you are struggling with finding a meaning that feels right, then take a pass. Remember, send your regrets, but don’t think that you need to offer a lengthy explanation.

4. Be aware of your triggers and be ready to act

Knowing how you tend to react when you encounter one of your triggers helps you learn to avoid them. Face it: these could come up when you least expect them and be related to times of day, places, people or situations. Realize that these feelings and temptations are associations and also that they will pass. Cravings are just emotions that your brain is using to tell you how to behave [Heshmat 2015]. They usually only last about 20-30 minutes, and then they diminish. While they’re at their most intense during that time, you can redirect your thinking. Get a change of scenery and go for a walk, try finding a quiet place to meditate or focus on deep breathing, or call someone in your support network to talk.

 

All in the family

When you do decide to partake in a holiday gathering, there are some tips you can use to make hanging with the cousins more bearable. In all families, some people are supportive, and others are not. It’s important to be prepared for this during the holidays. Take inventory of who you know is tactful, trustworthy, and respectful. Spend time with them and avoid the unsupportive people as much as possible. You might even want to speak with the hosts beforehand and share your concerns. Talk about how you will — and how they should — respond if a situation arises. Talk about what you will be saying to decline offers you may get from other guests like: ‘Have a drink with me!’, ‘It’s only one!’ and ‘Come on, it’s a party, have some fun!’ and ask for their support. It doesn’t mean they need to make an announcement or “prepare people” before they arrive. It’s about being honest and building a better response to the situation. It helps to have a script of what you will say to people, to explain that you’re not going to be drinking. You can limit it to what you’re comfortable sharing, but it should include a clear, assertive “no” message, with no room for negotiation.

Above all, do your best to stay calm. Remember that there is no perfect family gathering. Things are always messy. If you feel like the situation is going to cause you pain, it may not be the right time for you to attend. And that’s okay. You don’t want to have feelings of added tension, stress or guilt associated with anyone or the holiday celebrations themselves.

Come on everybody: attending parties with friends and co-workers

Celebrating with friends and co-workers may be different from family gatherings, but these events can also cause you stress. Thankfully, you can use some of the same strategies you put in place to deal with that dinner. Stick with people you know and trust who support you. Avoid those you don’t know and watch out for those whose intentions you instinctively aren’t sure of. Stay calm in all interactions and do some party planning of your own beforehand.

Make party plans

1. Set goals and times for yourself

Arrive early and be prepared to leave early too if you find you’re having a difficult time being around people who are drinking. As parties go on longer, people tend to drink more and become more relaxed and take things in a different direction. Leaving before things get wilder isn’t a bad thing. You’ll be in control and not have any next-day regrets.

2. Consider bringing your own beverages (BYOB)

Sometimes you can bring your own drinks to be sure you have complete control of what you’re consuming. You won’t have to worry about anyone accidentally making a drink for you that is going to trigger a setback in your recovery.

3.Use the buddy system

Have someone who you trust and can rely on to recognize a situation that may be developing, distract you and intervene if something goes wrong. Your buddy should be completely sober: no drinking, smoking or using drugs. This person is going to act as your advocate.

4. Be the one who others lean on

Having responsibility for others can sometimes help reduce the stress you are feeling. Why not consider offering to be the designated driver for a group of people? It’s a role that everyone will understand is essential and not question your motivations or actions. As the driver, you’ll also be able to leave when you want to.

What to do if you experience a slip or lapse

Addiction and relapse are not only about the substances, but also about the emotional voids you are trying to fill. Relapse is often a part of the recovery journey, but the emotional responses it can incite can be devastating.

Don’t let yourself get stuck. And don’t be too hard on yourself. If you feel hopeless, humiliated or guilty, be open to finding hope again. Work through any anger or fear and find the courage to be honest and begin addressing the underlying issues that caused you to slip. When needed, be sure to seek social support from people you trust and seek professional help when you need it.

With determination and a little help, you can find your way again.

 

References

1. Heshmat, S. Ph.D. (January 7, 2015). Why Cravings Occur. Cravings and Trigger factors. Psychology Today.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-ch…